Feedback Friday: Fart Guns & Five Year Olds

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Just what we need in our house…more audible farts.

With the holiday season in full swing and my children’s ridiculous list for Santa growing bigger and bigger everyday, I have found myself less interested in what they really want and instead, am choosing items off their list based on their ability to drive me, less crazy.

It’s selfish, I know, but as any parent who has been subjected to the sights and sounds of Switch and Go Dinos will attest, sometimes not granting their every wish, is what’s best for everyone.

Enter the Despicable Me Fart Blaster.

About a week ago, while shopping for a birthday gift at Toys R Us, we happened to come across this little gem and my 5 year old son has been infatuated with it ever since. He talks about it at least twice a day, and over the past few hours I have noticed that he has begun speaking as though it is already under the tree. He has carved out a space in his heart for it, and a shelf in his room despite the fact that Santa is still on the fence about it. [Read more...]

Our Week In Pictures

Here’s what we’ve been up to this week…

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We came home from school wearing this and despite the fact that we were genuinely relieved by it’s message, we were left asking what the f@$k is going on in kindergarten that we needed to point out our drug free status? [Read more...]

5 to fifteen?

One of those moments that are hard to enjoy.

One of those moments that I find hard to enjoy.

As stated in my very first post, I began writing this blog as an outlet for my my queries, musings and sheer frustration with the parenting process. I decided to call it 5 to fifteen because my mother has always said that kids are at their best between those ages. She promised, in no uncertain terms, that it would get easier and now that my son is well into his fifth year you may be asking, was she right?

To that, I say…well, sort of.

All, is not necessarily, good in my hood, but it is much better. We certainly have more good days than bad, which I absolutely consider a win and over the past few months, I have noticed a slow but significant transition into a more independent, less manic young man, which pleases me to no end.

I admit, that for a while there, I did question if things would ever get easier and now I can say with the utmost of confidence that there is a light at the end of this tunnel. I have even found myself counting down the years until both of my kids are over five so that my husband and I can enjoy a little time off. An idea, which now that I think of it, just makes me sad. [Read more...]

Nice Package

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The leftovers.

From the moment your children join the ranks of the educated, they will be, as you probably were, forced to participate in the yearly tradition of school portraits. As a result, you the parent will be asked to choose a photo package that will no doubt, be looked at by your children as an indication of just how much you love them. Or at least, that’s how I remember it.

When I was young I can recall, quite vividly, rushing home from school to deliver to my parents, the all mighty Picture Day order form. Back then, there were 6 packages, listed A through FA was considered the deluxe package and was the Rolls Royce of photo packages. It boasted several eight by tens, a handful of five by sevens and twenty four wallet size photos. TWENTY. F@$KING. FOUR.

At the other end of the spectrum was F, the basic package made up of one sad little five by seven and four wallet size photos. Package F was the Ford Fiesta of photo packages and of course, the one that my parents chose every single year.

Needless to say, Picture Day was not my favorite, as I could only assume that my parent’s feelings for me were lukewarm at best, and that my dream of making it rain with wallet size photos, was not to be. [Read more...]

From The Mouth Of Babes

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A transcript from an actual conversation yesterday:

Nate:     Mommy, remember when Olivia was coming out of your…

Me:        Here we go…

Nate:     NO! Remember when Olivia was being born…?

Me:        Yes.

Nate:     Remember when I was sitting on the couch and Papa came in and said “Nate the baby is here!”

Me:        Yeah buddy I do.

(unusually long pause)

Nate:    Was that couch a sectional?

Me:        Huh?

(condescendingly) 

Nate:     Was…that…couch…a…sectional?

Me:        Uh..no, I think it was a pullout.

(long pause)

(returns to playing Lego)

Me:        Good chat Nate.

Look forward to more insight courtesy of my children coming soon.

I Want My Mommy

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You can’t go back.

Just this past weekend, I half jokingly said to my husband that I would “kill for a cold” because then, I would have an excuse to spend the day in bed.

I wasn’t looking for anything too severe, no strep or stomach flu, just a little something to justify eating my lunch in bed and watching t.v. all day.

Of course two days later, when I woke up with a sore throat and fever, I knew the universe had heard my call and granted my request.

Good news right?

Wrong. [Read more...]

From The Mouth Of Babes

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Wise beyond her years.

 

A transcript from an actual conversation yesterday.

Olivia:     Mommy?

Me:          Yes?

Olivia:     Mommy?

Me:          Yes?

Olivia:     Mommy?

Me:          Yes?

Olivia:     Mommy?

Me:          Yes?

Olivia:     Mommy?

Me:          Yes!?!

Olivia:     Nose.

Me:          You win Olivia.  You win.

Look forward to more insight courtesy of my children coming soon.

Yoga Pants & Prescription Pills

lululemon-logo-jpg_133915My dear friend and Style & Design Expert, Sabrina Soto, wrote a very poignant article for her Online Lifestyle Magazine Casa & Company entitled To Wear, Or Not To Wear Yoga Pants. In it, she compares yoga pants to “prescription drugs” saying that when “used properly and in moderation [they] can really help your body, but if abused [they] can be highly addictive and cause permanent damage.”

As a serial yoga pant wearer, I could not agree more.

I am not afraid to admit, and my husband will attest to the fact, that as of late, my relationship with my lululemon’s has become somewhat toxic. Despite the fact that they have literally been there for me through thick and thin and have made my life exponentially more cozy with their delicate blend of nylon and Lycra, they have also become my lazy mom uniform.

I do not wear them all day, everyday because I am in a perpetual state of cardiovascular activity, I wear them all day, everyday because they are easy and require minimal energy to get into.  Something that I cannot always say about my jeans

My yoga pants never ask me to button or zip them, they don’t require dry cleaning or fancy detergents and they go with everything including, but not limited to: flip flops, sweatshirts and unwashed hair.  As a stay-at-home mom, I have found no other item of clothing that gives so much and asks so little in return and that of course, is the problem. [Read more...]

Porn For Parents?

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Seriously? Who has time for this shit?

Whilst trolling the internet over the past few weeks, I have become painfully aware that when it comes to all things Halloween, I am definitely failing as a mother. The number of Facebook posts, Tweets and Pinterest pins of adorable Halloween ideas for kids is astonishing and my having no part in any of it, prompts me to ask the question “who has time for this shit?”

Just yesterday, one of my favorite blogs, Red Tricycle featured an article entitled:  Adorable Lunch Ideas for Halloween and to be honest, it made me want to blow my brains out. Not because it didn’t feature the cutest little spooky lunch ideas I had ever seen, but because that very morning I had struggled to make my son a regular old bagel with cream cheese for his, very un-spooky lunch.  This post, (as seen in the photo courtesy of redtri.com) actually suggested making mini coffins out of pumpernickel bread and a Frankenstein head out of kiwi, two things you will never find in my kitchen. [Read more...]