Feedback Friday: Fart Guns & Five Year Olds

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Just what we need in our house…more audible farts.

With the holiday season in full swing and my children’s ridiculous list for Santa growing bigger and bigger everyday, I have found myself less interested in what they really want and instead, am choosing items off their list based on their ability to drive me, less crazy.

It’s selfish, I know, but as any parent who has been subjected to the sights and sounds of Switch and Go Dinos will attest, sometimes not granting their every wish, is what’s best for everyone.

Enter the Despicable Me Fart Blaster.

About a week ago, while shopping for a birthday gift at Toys R Us, we happened to come across this little gem and my 5 year old son has been infatuated with it ever since. He talks about it at least twice a day, and over the past few hours I have noticed that he has begun speaking as though it is already under the tree. He has carved out a space in his heart for it, and a shelf in his room despite the fact that Santa is still on the fence about it. [Read more...]

Our Week In Pictures

Here’s what we’ve been up to this week…

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We came home from school wearing this and despite the fact that we were genuinely relieved by it’s message, we were left asking what the f@$k is going on in kindergarten that we needed to point out our drug free status? [Read more...]

5 to fifteen?

One of those moments that are hard to enjoy.

One of those moments that I find hard to enjoy.

As stated in my very first post, I began writing this blog as an outlet for my my queries, musings and sheer frustration with the parenting process. I decided to call it 5 to fifteen because my mother has always said that kids are at their best between those ages. She promised, in no uncertain terms, that it would get easier and now that my son is well into his fifth year you may be asking, was she right?

To that, I say…well, sort of.

All, is not necessarily, good in my hood, but it is much better. We certainly have more good days than bad, which I absolutely consider a win and over the past few months, I have noticed a slow but significant transition into a more independent, less manic young man, which pleases me to no end.

I admit, that for a while there, I did question if things would ever get easier and now I can say with the utmost of confidence that there is a light at the end of this tunnel. I have even found myself counting down the years until both of my kids are over five so that my husband and I can enjoy a little time off. An idea, which now that I think of it, just makes me sad. [Read more...]

Nice Package

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The leftovers.

From the moment your children join the ranks of the educated, they will be, as you probably were, forced to participate in the yearly tradition of school portraits. As a result, you the parent will be asked to choose a photo package that will no doubt, be looked at by your children as an indication of just how much you love them. Or at least, that’s how I remember it.

When I was young I can recall, quite vividly, rushing home from school to deliver to my parents, the all mighty Picture Day order form. Back then, there were 6 packages, listed A through FA was considered the deluxe package and was the Rolls Royce of photo packages. It boasted several eight by tens, a handful of five by sevens and twenty four wallet size photos. TWENTY. F@$KING. FOUR.

At the other end of the spectrum was F, the basic package made up of one sad little five by seven and four wallet size photos. Package F was the Ford Fiesta of photo packages and of course, the one that my parents chose every single year.

Needless to say, Picture Day was not my favorite, as I could only assume that my parent’s feelings for me were lukewarm at best, and that my dream of making it rain with wallet size photos, was not to be. [Read more...]

From The Mouth Of Babes

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A transcript from an actual conversation yesterday:

Nate:     Mommy, remember when Olivia was coming out of your…

Me:        Here we go…

Nate:     NO! Remember when Olivia was being born…?

Me:        Yes.

Nate:     Remember when I was sitting on the couch and Papa came in and said “Nate the baby is here!”

Me:        Yeah buddy I do.

(unusually long pause)

Nate:    Was that couch a sectional?

Me:        Huh?

(condescendingly) 

Nate:     Was…that…couch…a…sectional?

Me:        Uh..no, I think it was a pullout.

(long pause)

(returns to playing Lego)

Me:        Good chat Nate.

Look forward to more insight courtesy of my children coming soon.

Feedback Friday: Giving Thanks?

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Just like they did it back then.

Yesterday morning my son’s kindergarten class celebrated Thanksgiving a week early, by reenacting the ceremonial feast between the Pilgrims and the Indians.

I, was fortunate enough to bear witness to this adorable little event where by which, the kids sat down for a historically accurate feast of goldfish and mini muffins followed by songs of turkey worship and thanks.

The kid’s electrifying performance of that old classic; I’m Thankful For My Friends At School most certainly warmed my heart, but it also got me thinking about gratitude and wondering just how thankful my 5 year old really is.

Like most parents, I have taught my children to say thank you and despite the fact that I have to remind them every so often, they have basically mastered that skill. But saying thank you is certainly not the same as being thankful and I am reminded of that reality every time my son thanks me for his iPad then immediately throws a temper tantrum  because the WiFi is slow. [Read more...]

I Want My Mommy

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You can’t go back.

Just this past weekend, I half jokingly said to my husband that I would “kill for a cold” because then, I would have an excuse to spend the day in bed.

I wasn’t looking for anything too severe, no strep or stomach flu, just a little something to justify eating my lunch in bed and watching t.v. all day.

Of course two days later, when I woke up with a sore throat and fever, I knew the universe had heard my call and granted my request.

Good news right?

Wrong. [Read more...]

That F@$king Box

Day One.

Day One.

Six days ago, UPS delivered a delightful box of holiday accents to my home.

Six days ago, I removed said accents from their oversized cardboard casing and offered it to my kids.

Six days ago I made a very bad decision, because six days have gone by, and that f@$king box is still in my living room.

It’s no surprise really, the same thing happens every time a box large enough for my kids to sit in enters our home. I, with the innocence and coordination of a baby deer, bound into the room loudly proclaiming “I’ve got a surprise for you” and upon seeing said box, my children respond with the kind of intense excitement usually reserved for Christmas morning.

So begins the tumultuous relationship between myself, and that box.

Over the past six days, that box has been a car, a cave, a house, a prison and a poorly crafted rocket ship. It has been colored on, painted over and essentially bedazzled into submission. It has proven to be the source of great fun, the catalyst for many tears and of course, a major pain in my ass.

[Read more...]