My Dearest Madeline,
I wanted to take a moment to formally apologize to you for what has occurred over the past 5 years. It’s no secret that with the seemingly sudden and unexpected arrival of my son and then daughter three years later, you have gone from being our first love to a second class citizen at best. Though I’m certain this offers you no comfort, you should know that this happens to all dogs.
Having said that, I am sorry that it seems like overnight you went from being the light of my life to the bane of my existence. That is certainly not the case although my incessant use of the f-word in your presence may indicate otherwise. I know this is no excuse but my life too has changed and some days, I am just one episode of Calliou away from a full blown rampage.
You will have noticed that the frequency of your walks has decreased and your wellness check ups are now non-existent. You must also be asking yourself why you no longer travel to Palm Springs or to the cottage up North? It’s not because you did something wrong it’s just because those two little people (who’s legs you seem hell bent on licking) showed up and by virtue of their DNA, they now get to enjoy your happy place while you spend your vacation in a kennel in the San Fernando Valley. For that I am especially sorry. I must also apologize for the fury that I unleash upon you when you attack the vacuum. What I’m trying to convey in my fit of rage is that somedays, my Dyson Animal Vac with the latest Ball™ technology is all I have. You really need to trust me when I say that despite it’s unfortunate name, the vacuum has no interest in hurting you.
I could go on and on listing the things that have not gone your way as of late but I did not write this letter to make you feel worse than you already do. In an effort to stunt your growing resentment for my children I feel it’s best that I highlight some of the advantages you have enjoyed since they moved in. First and foremost, you cannot deny the fact that your chicken nugget and cheese intake has increased exponentially as illustrated in your now ample hindquarters. You have access to an endless parade of toys on which you may chew at your leisure and most importantly, my pre-occupation with the kids shenanigans has allowed you the freedom to roam about the back yard eating all of the cat feces you can get your paws on, a pastime I know you enjoy especially.
I am fully aware of the fact that you are a dog and as such cannot access a blog online much less read one. However, I still feel the need to put in writing that without you, we would have never possessed the false belief that if we could take care of a dog, then surely we could handle a few kids and for that, I am eternally grateful. Please forgive me for all of those times I’ve threatened to have you put down and know that no matter how many pairs of my underwear you eat, I will never regret the day that I brought home the most expensive free dog in the world.
XOXO Erin
Shelley says
Well said Erin!! I always say kids first for 8 years…then a dog. They still won’t walk, feed or clean up after the dog but by the the time the kids are 8, you actually do like the dog more!!!
ErinMyles says
I think that is the best advice yet