We were reminded that just because someone offers you *free* face painting, doesn’t mean you should take it. He asked for Spiderman…he got this.

We absolutely fell in love with a baby who happens to shit out a charm and were prompted us to ask, does no one just poop, poop anymore?

We realized that now, might be a good time to start weaning her off of her “soother”.

We discovered, based on our 5 year old’s choice of book from the school library, precisely why he hasn’t made much headway with the cool kids.

We realized that a stern, yet politely worded note and excessive use of caution tape is wasted on a boy who can’t read and has a thing for caution tape.

We thought she would be excited by the gift of So Many Babies. Instead she was overwhelmed and left wondering how the f@$k am I going to take care of so many babies?

We found this in his Halloween candy and suddenly, razor blades didn’t seem like that big of a deal anymore.

We realized why we can never just grab something really quick at Walgreens.

We found the single best toy for any child who’s two favorite things are poop and unicorns. An adorable toy that gives a whole new horrible meaning to the phrase taste the rainbow. Oh and P.S. Your boots are on the wrong feet Moxie Girl.

We realized why you should never try to explain the order in which Star Wars was released to a 5 year old.  The idea that Episode 4 was first and Episode 3 was last, is just way too confusing for their Spongebob loving brains.

We went looking for cool places to take the kids in our new hood and ended up here. Don’t be fooled by the fun Cowboy font on the sign kids, there will be a cavity search. 

We were reminded why communication between family members is particularly important around birthdays.

We had an “end of our rope” moment and may have gone too far.

We realized that she doesn’t take direction well.

We found proof that my 5 year old has really lowered his standards in terms of what he considers art. He said this was a gift for me but it just looks like two lines on a Starbucks napkin. Am I missing something?

We realized that just because you spend $25 on a haircut doesn’t mean it’s going to be a good one. I could have done a better job on those bangs blindfolded with a pair of safety scissors.

We went to a Halloween party and confirmed that in our quest for costume authenticity, shoes should never be an afterthought.

We found a new book to read that proves once and for all, that there is nothing like a little erotica to get the wee ones to bed. 

We tested the theory that if she can’t see you, then you can’t see her pooping in the Halloween section of Ralph’s.

We realized a week after a family party, that this was in the back of the SUV which begs the question, how bad does our car have to smell to not notice a decaying chicken salad?

We were reminded that you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it OPEN THE OREOS PROPERLY!

We uncovered indisputable evidence that the first born gets more love than the second.

We went to daycare for the first time. She brought her cell phone and thermometer because like the rest of America, she too is monitoring her temperature.

He discovered that his sister is in the terrible two’s now and that this, is as good as it gets. Don’t do it Nate, you have some much to live for.